We really want(ed) you, oh baby. It was the first of August 2012, when I had the feeling that something happens in my belly. I had very, very soft cramps. We hoped so much that this was you, on your way through the entire universe into our hearts. I made one test, two tests (yep, I was way too early :D). After a few weeks, I decided a blood test at the doctor’s would give us the confirmation we were looking forward to get. So I made an appointment. The doctor’s assistant was very kind, took my blood and got it analysed. She came back with a very happy smile and said: Congratulations, fortunately you are not pregnant!
Whaaat? I was completely shocked because I interpreted her smile as a yes and at the same time she must have been thinking – because of my look (hotpants, top, sunglasses, red lips) or my age (23) – that I came here because I wanted to hear that I am not pregnant. I did not! When I arrived home my future-spouse awaited a positive message. We were not just disappointed – we were very sad and couldn’t believe it. We were so sure. We already could feel your soul. We were talking to each other saying things like; we have aaaallll the time we need, there’s absolutely no need to rush. Maybe it is not the right time. I Still couldn’t believe it!
A few days later I decided to try another pregnancy test. There it was – POSITIVE. I went to your daddy, showed him the result and we cried (JUST A LITTLE :D). Deeply touched by life, magic, joy, by a wonder – by you my dear sunshine Estella Joy. Since this moment we decided to listen much more to our own feelings, and less to doctors, tests and stuff like that. Our intuition was right. We really knew you were on your way.
The next three months – with you in my belly – were not always easy. I often times had that feeling like throw up, especially in the mornings. Your father had to change or better give up every parfume he had. They were the worst. And cinnamon (eeeeeeeeeeeeeew) still not into it these days. I bought pregnancy jeans already at 8 weeks 😀 – I was so excited. I put on almond oil every night and never had one stretch mark on my belly. I had so much time for me and for you. Your father said I do not have to work (oh I was so unhappy in these office jobs) and so I just enjoyed life, enjoyed summer, prepared myself for you. I would have loved to cook for your daddy and me but all these flavors killed me – they were just too much! I could smell everything, every fibre of a peperoni and every detail of a spaghetti.
After a while it became better. We moved apartments – next to Zurich, it was green and the air was fresh. Oh what a wonderful place for you to grow up. Before that we lived in the city centre of Luzern. We still love this city, but also enjoy life in a greener place. Your father used to work in Zurich at the time. We had a good good time there baby. That’s the place where I felt you for the first time. While I was lying on the sofa – you pushed inside my belly to say hi momma. That feeling – I was thrilled. Oh what a special and slightly freaky moment.
From then on you didn’t stop and pushed and kicked me the following five months. You and your daddy already got connected to each other at this time. We visited yoga classes (for about five months) and did a great (daddies words) job. It was not one week ago when your daddy told me that my yoga looks much more elegant nowadays than with you in my belly – hahaha. How can he say that? He can’t be serious!
I enjoyed being pregnant! I really did. It’s really a special, sacred time. It’s beautiful to create life and to let it grow inside you. That’s really a wonderful feeling isn’t it? I also ate a lot during that time (probably a bit too a lot :D. I gained 25 kilos which is about 55 pounds. But I gave myself permission for it. And I really accepted my body with 83 kilogram / 182 pounds. But I realised that this is not the way I want to look after giving birth. It was just not the right feeling for me. And I really gave myself time to loose it all. And I made it. I was pregnant ten months (almost 38.5 weeks to be exact). And I gave myself time about ten months. But that’s a different story. Anyway I appreciate all the women to embrace their humps and their bodies. We are so beautiful, just the way we are.
During our pregnancy I had a CD from a mental trainer. A beautiful CD that helped me to prepare for our birth. It worked really well and all the positivity was great.
So please look at the next blog post to get your mobile phone wallpaper freebies. There are also freebies for those of you not pregnant
lots of love, mama leone