(How) did you change since being a mother?

A good good question, which I often got asked. And my answer is: Oh Yeah I did. I had noooo idea. And still this was the best idea we ever had. πŸ˜€ Yeah let’s make out and let’s make a baby. 

While I know (!) that this is not for everybody. For me it is. For us it is. I had no idea who I was before having my baby-girl. I was too wild, too tough (in a bad way) and kinda lost but still a freaking controlfreak. 

But then I found him. And we decided  to try it as a family. And since I got pregnant in like one second πŸ˜‰ we knew we had to make it work now. This pregnancy changed me so much, starting by all the things I couldn’t smell to all the topics I did not like anymore and finding myself oh so inspired by my baby. 

Since I gave birth to her, something happend in my life. Haha obviously πŸ˜€ No what I mean is something happend with me. 

Anyway, no longer any interests in what I cared before. All seems maybe funny but boring and meaningless. No interests in alcohol, cigarettes and disco nights. :D. Oh no. Haha! No longer interested in flirting with everybody and pleasing anyone. I found what I need. Who cares about this flashy world. And who of them even really cared about me? πŸ˜€ Don’t get me wrong. I also had good relationships and I had lots of fun and I also had very bad ones. But I really feel that this part of searching & hunting and so on is over. 

When I crave something sometimes it’s a hot night with my guy. Having sex all night with no disturbia, eating thai-food in our bed, everyday Starbucks and doing it all over again for days πŸ˜€ But you know, I miss this once a year or so πŸ˜€ and of course we have wonderful family supporters so we get the chance from time to time to do just what we like.

I think the change does not have to be so intense and drastic in your life when you become a mother as it was in my life. Probably it is because that’s just my personality. INTENSE & EXTREME. But if you are a mom and a lot changed in your life, please feel free to tell here, would love to  read other experiences. 

For me it is the best thing ever. Marrying this man of mine. Being the mother of this girl of mine. (and hopefully more to come <3 – In schā’a llāh) I’m coming slowely but surely to myself through being a mom. Realizing what I want, who I am and what I love doing. They made a new person out of me. And I couldn’t be more thankful for that. It’s like not only Estella Joy was born. It was like I was born too. Mothers are born too. Growing in this role and letting go all this old shit that was not really me, but I thought I had to be. I experienced a power from deep inside which makes me strong, honest and authentic. And that’s what I want to be. For me. For him and of of course for her. I want her to see her mother strong, honest and authentic. 

Yes this is stuff for a new blog post but I also feel that people were a bit like… Jiks. Pregnant. With 23? Was this planned? Haha. Yes. Oh no why wouldn’t you first travel the world and enjoy life? πŸ˜€ And I’m like whuuuuuut?:D I travel the world with all my babies if I like and I enjoy every single minute of my life. Why are there people thinking that life is over with a baby and marriage? Oh no, no. It only began. :) Life is over if you think it’s over, no matter if you’re 20 or 60. 

β€œBirth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers – Strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.”

”

β€” Barbara Katz Rothman

Of course not everyday is perfect, but there is something perfect in everyday :) ! No, what I mean is this family thing is wild and loud, and noisy and messy and sometimes it’s hard to balance. To find a connection to every family member and to not forget yourself. 

I think you got my answer :) I changed alot. Wish you a happy happy weekend! 

Lots of love, 

Mama Leone.

No Comments

Leave a Reply